Letting Go

Oh dear god, I have no idea where to start writing this. I am just not coping right now. I don’t know where this resistance is coming from. I want to break free. I have no idea how to though. I am falling back onto habits that don’t help me.

I want to become financially independent.

I want to have super-sexy arms.

I want to be able to run a 9 minute mile. And do a 5 k in under 30 minutes.

I want to be able to prove the people who have made me doubt myself wrong.

I want to be confident.

I want to believe in myself.

I am managing to work out every day, but I need to do more. I need to start bringing it on a work side to.

I am just feeling really over-whelmed right now. I am feeling like an inadequate little kid with a disappointed mother in the background saying you are useless, worthless, not good enough.

I want to make good choices. I don’t want to eat a giant packet of niknaks all by myself and then crawl into bed crying. I want to stop feeling all of this pain. I remember being numb and part of me feels that it is better to be numb but I don’t want to be numb. I don’t want to sabotage my weight loss efforts I am getting close to my first goal of 65kg…but I am hurting myself and I don’t know how to stop.

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