One month

Hi Mom,

You died a month ago today. You took us all by surprise.  I’m surprised by how much I miss you…and how many things remind me of you.

I still wear the fleece that you bought for me ten years ago. Just before you died I noticed that it had a hole in it, and the zip broke in July, but somehow, now, I can’t bear the thought of tossing it away.

This month has been rough, and I have cried a lot. I have also cried in a lot of places…in the shower, in airplanes, at the airport.

I think today was quite rough on Dad, there were some tears when we were having our now daily skype chat. We’ve probably spoken more on Skype in the past two weeks then we had in the past two years.

You know, I suck at writing letters to you. But of course, you know that…C, was always a much better correspondent then me.

There is so much that I wish that I knew…I think the song that most fits how I am feeling now is Jimmy Eat World’s “Hear You Me”.  Especially, about thinking that I might get one more chance, and not knowing what you think of me.

I miss you more than I can express…and I wish that I had more understanding of what you went through with your mom and dad. I wish that we had a chance to make our relationship a bit better.

I know you always did your best when you were raising me…and I know that I was a difficult child. And I know that you loved me…I hope you know that I love you too.

I miss you mom.



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