Random Realizations Number 1: Things That We Will Not Share Again

But sometimes there are things that blindside us, that nothing can prepare us for.
Three minutes by Widowspeak

One of the things that I keep getting surprised by is the number of times that I find myself thinking or realizing things that I will now never be able to share with my mom, and I am blindsided by the fact that my mom is gone from this world…forever.

I mean my mom and I were not close…but I did share a number of memories and experiences with her, and these are just some realizations that I have had over the past couple of days:

  • The realization that she will not see the photos from our trip to Washington D.C. later this month. (especially visiting the Smithsonian institute).
  • The fact that I will never play Zoë Keating’s cello music for her…I’m sure that she would have enjoyed it. My mom was a big fan of classical music.
  • The fact that she will never tell me about the behaviour of the African Wood Hoopoe’s in her garden again, or tales of other birds that have come to visit in her garden.
  • The fact that I will never buy her another book for her birthday.
  • We will not recount camping adventures together.
  • Nor will I be able to tell her tales of my diving exploits.
  • There will never be another breakfast together. (My mom and I had a lot of seriously awesome breakfasts together).

I read in a book about grieving the loss of your mother that you get to choose which memories to keep in your mental and emotional scrapbook…and I think today I am preserving the memories of things that we shared and of our common ground.

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