Today

Today I am feeling empty…like I am standing at the edge of a precipice but I am blind-folded. Its almost as though I am not up to facing the intense emotions that I felt yesterday.

It is almost like I have wrapped myself in cotton wool and put myself away. I have no idea how to continue grieving the loss of my mom. I know that there are feelings that I need to face up to.

I know the emotion that I need to confront the most is rejection.

I need to face up to the fact that I feel a bit like a hypocrite.

I need to acknowledge the truth that my fairy tale will never come true. I need to let go of a great deal of hurt and pain. And admit that it is okay for me to feel those things…but right now, I just don’t feel like I can.

I am young and the first in my circle to lose a parent and so unfortunately, or maybe fortunately (I don’t know), there is no “real” person to guide me through this process.

So I am turning to a computer monitor and just letting this all out…admitting that I don’t have a clue, and feeling awfully lost and alone.

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2 thoughts on “Today

  1. I think that so far you are doing the right thing by jotting down how you are feeling. I remember when my dad first died, I kept a journal and would write him letters all the time letting him know what was going on with my life. It almost seems silly, but it was comforting and heartbreaking all at the same time. Utilizing this space to talk about how you are feeling is a great place to start healing. And with an open forum, you will find so many people have gone what you have gone through and will be willing to offer up advice or just an ear.

    Also, I still am one of the only people around my age (27) who has lost a parent, so I can totally relate to feeling alone in your circle. Try to stay strong, and seek out other people who have experienced death in any sense–they will be able to offer up support to you as well.

    • Hi Olive,

      Thank you so much for your comment…You told me exactly what I needed to hear, so thank you for that too.

      I’m really sorry for the loss of your dad.

      Trisha xx

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