What I wish my mom had told me

My mom touched a lot of lives and knew a lot of people. And in a quirk of fate, or circumstance, I was the person that people spoke to most. Possibly, because I was the most visible person or possibly because I appeared to be the calmest. (I think it can be frightfully intimidating to have to speak to the recently deceased’s family).

But for whatever reason a number of “strangers” spoke to me. And they largely spoke of the same things…my mother’s character as they knew it, that she was a kind, loving person. And how much she loved both me and my sister.

How proud my mom was of me. How much she loved me…and relished tales of my travels.

I wish that my mom could have told me those things.

But I understand that she couldn’t. My mom was also a very hurt soul…the things that she endured as a child were horrible. And while what she went through did not excuse what she put me through it helps with understanding…and understanding helps with compassion.

One of the things that I said after my mom died is that we each loved each other as best we could. And we did…and the thing that is sometimes difficult to remember is that humans are fallible, and sometimes it’s difficult to say things. Even if we want to.

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2 thoughts on “What I wish my mom had told me

  1. Hi Trisha, I’m so so sorry for your loss. Regardless of the relationship you had with your mother, losing a parent is such a huge passage. I lost my mom 19 years ago and it still hurts. I had a good though not perfect relationship with my mom. However, at her deathbed, I remember greiving all the things I was not, all the things I wish I had said, etc. When she did pass, I felt her spirit fill the room. And when I felt that I knew it was all okay, that we had both done the best we could, because her unconditional love was almost tangible in that moment.

    When my grandmother died 2 weeks ago, her youngest daughter (they had an often difficult relationship) described almost an identical feeling at the moment she passed. And she, too, knew that everything was okay and all was forgiven, if indeed anything required forgiveness.

    My reason for sharing this is that while we can often have great struggles in our lives and our relationships, deep down, the soul knows and recognizes the love that is there. I think this would apply to you and your mom as well. Take care of yourself, it can take a long time to grieve such an important loss. x

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