I think it is possible for me to hold two seemingly contradictory ideas in my head at the moment. That my mother was a good woman who was loved by a number of people (myself amongst them) but that she had her demons and did some bad things…including abusing me.
I don’t think she ever planned to inflict the pain on me that she did…I think in many ways she was a victim of being a child of a narcissist and had a huge blind spot to that.
That blind spot made it impossible for her to recognize her own pain and to heal from it and so she unconsciously carried out the pattern of abuse that she grew up in.
There are a lot of people who genuinely cared about my mother and they are reaching out and caring for the rest of us in her family and I am grateful for it.
My mother did abuse me but I recognize that abuse and that gives me the power to break that cycle…and nothing changes that.
But my mother also loved me as best as she could…and did have some kindnesses and I can acknowledge and honor those positive memories as well.