Sometimes dealing with the past hurts. Hurts like you will not believe. It feels as though your chest is being pressed under a ton of rock…
I’m learning to draw and one of the exercises involved drawing a recalled childhood landscape. Surprisingly, the image I drew in childhood was not repressed…or if it has been, my subconscious has supplied a new one.
When I started drawing this image I did not experience joy and hope and rainbows and unicorns. I just experienced pain. Gasping, heart-wrenching pain.
And I don’t know how to make it stop. I know I need to feel. But feelings are hard. Numbness and denial are much more attractive as options, perhaps they are priced too high.