I wish I knew the answer to that question now. When I was a kid it was for the sake of the fairy tale…hoping that if I never spoke up about it…if I pretended it didn’t exist it would go away.
Now? I don’t know.
I think perhaps I feel an obligation to protect my abusers and I question my motives about if I ever spoke up…would it be out of vindictiveness or hurt.
Or is it the honest thing to do?
I don’t know. I am just coming to terms with the extent of a great deal of the abuse now. And I am not even sure I can say that I am coming to terms with it…I am acknowledging it.
I think I might be keeping the secret out of shame, out of fear out of a belief that I should protect the image projected of my family…but to be honest I don’t know why I am keeping it.
I think the biggest reason is fear…once you have opened certain boxes they cannot be closed.