I have no idea what to write about today.
Part of me was tempted to not write anything at all. But, that is not a habit I want to encourage.
We got some really cool news yesterday, Riaan is going to be an uncle…which I suppose means I am going to be an aunt. I am really chuffed for my sister in law, she and her hubby have always said that they want kids.
And my father in law is absolutely over the moon that he is going to be a grandfather.
Part of me is scared of this, though, I have no idea how to be a good aunt. I did not have the best models…and I am terribly scared of inflicting the same kind of damage on a child as was inflicted on me.
But I think, by acknowledging the cycle of abuse, and owning it and saying that I will not repeat it is a big deal. It is a start, and giving the child when they arrive unconditional love…because that was the biggest issue with me I suppose, I still battle with the concept of unconditional love.
Being loved just because I am. Not because I am not anything, just am.
I worked out yesterday and I am feeling it today. There are aches in places that I did not know I could ache…But I walked today. About 20 minutes in the sunshine. It’s momentum.
I think I might be feeling content at today, not stressed not sad…just content. It is a good moment. I will make more of them.