Crashing

Yesterday was not a good day.

It just wasn’t and today has not been that much better.

And there is no reason for it.

But I think that is something I am beginning to realize…this depression and its episodes are not necessarily tied to specific events or triggers or things.

They are. And it will get better.

And flashbacks are just that flashbacks. They are not reality.

It is not my world any more.

***

I had a lovely conversation with a dear sweet friend today, who I have been out of touch with for far too long, and in that conversation…I was reminded that I am loved and special…and it was amazing to have that feeling of connection to someone.

I didn’t realise how much I missed that connection.

I am going through an anti social phase, and part of it is fear, and part of it is the fact that I am a natural loner…My head can sometimes seem full enough and busy enough to want to go out.

Once I am out, I usually have a blast…but I am a bit of a homebody.

***

Another random thought that I had was that I can rediscover old and create new talents and skills…

I have always been labelled as stubborn and determined…and I can draw on those labels (along with a new one that was pinned on me today “ninja”) and use them as a potion to draw strength.

This crash will not last for ever.

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3 thoughts on “Crashing

  1. Hey, Trisha!

    I wanted to see how you are. Again I don’t want to sound irritatingly cheerful but I’m happy to see that you are talking about your talents and you crash in one post. When I read this post I see that the crash did overtake all of your reality and thoughts.

    I believe it, really, that you are very strong because I hear you and I can imagine how much power you needed to tell yourself that you will get better.

    That what makes people survivors – they get out. And that is what you are doing.

    Wishing lots of good and positive things and thoughts!

  2. Hey Alex!

    Thanks for stopping by again.

    Yes, the crash was quite a big one and it did start overtaking reality. But I am getting better at seeing that it is not reality, just lies that depression is telling me.

    It’s true that survivors get out of situations they need to, and it took me far too long to give myself permission to leave.

    Thanks for the wishes and stay strong yourself.

    PS. the gravatar is the monster avatar that you can choose in the WordPress settings, I thought it was appropriate since this blog is a place where I am slaying some monsters.

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