This is a semi-anonymous place for me, the only person that I know in real life who knows about this blog is my husband.
And this level of anonymity gives me freedom to write what I need to get off my chest…my purpose is not to hurt people who hurt me, be it on purpose or unintentionally.
This is a mental dumping ground, a place where I just open up a post and go…I don’t proof-read the posts, I tag them and I publish them. If my browser spell-checker tells me that there is a mistake, I have a look and correct it, but other than that, is this just me…
Not all of me, in fact, most people who know me in real life would be shocked at how open and unreserved I am in posting this…it is a place to get my thoughts out, and I find it easier than writing in a paper journal, because I don’t need to stress about someone reading what they shouldn’t.
This is my place to confront my black dog, which is a horrible vicious angry creature. It is a space where I can admit to myself that I am not okay, and that it is alright that I am not okay…but that one day I will be.
Some days, like today, the writing seems to be more labored and difficult, which I have started to realize means that there is something simmering under the surface, that will allow itself to be worked out…but is not quite ripe for the picking yet. (Hey, this is my blog, I can mix as many metaphors as I like 🙂 )
But a big part of this, has been showing up, because by creating an outlet where I can just dump my thoughts, without censoring them and worrying about what other people will think it helps me get through the rest of the day. There is a huge level of release and freedom, and instead of dwelling on something for the entire day, by having this little sandbox to let them play in…it has allowed me to start playing some more.
I feel less empty and more alive, I have not yet recovered my passions and zest for life, but I will.