Random Things

There are many sucky things about depression. One of the suckiest at the moment, though is that I feel that I am contagious.

That my misery is making other people miserable. And that is not exactly a recipe for feeling better. But it is a part of life. Some things we can’t control … and one of those is the affect that we have on those around us.

I guess something that makes it harder is that I have two modes when I am depressed…one is really clingy and the other is almost total lock down.

Both of these extremes are not healthy. But that is the reality, depression is called a mental illness for a reason.

But anyway, keep moving forward. Keep speaking. Starting to voice my feelings, what is going on. Keeping track and knowing that some days are better than others but just keep moving.

Momentum is key. I know I am not perfect. Now, I just need to get myself to feel okay with that.

It’s so fucking easy to throw out random platitudes at myself and the blogosphere…but it is an entirely different thing to live according to them. I mean really, accept the things that you cannot change.

I still remember the first time I ever read the Serenity prayer…on the back of my grandfather’s memorial card at his funeral…I never knew its significance until a couple of years later…but it is one of the few smatterings of organized religion that resonates with me.

Of course, the struggle of recognizing the difference between the things that I can and cannot change…now that is an entirely different kettle of fish.

But for now, I will settle for facing healing and keep walking, hopefully creating some momentum as I go.



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